The future is Unknown … for one night, at least …
Just got word from Sean Blair, GM over at Patrick Sullivan’s Saloon (100 N. Central St. in Knoxville’s Old City), that “The King of Country-Western Troubadours” — Unknown Hinson — will perform there at 9 p.m. Thursday, Feb. 18. Tickets are $15.
Read our interview with him from last year, and take our word for it — if you’ve ever experienced an Unknown Hinson show, you’re in for a treat. See for yourself. Here’s Unknown Hinson on:
And finally, some pointers, if you will … words of wisdom from Unknown Hinson’s dental-afflicted mouth to our ears, from a cover story we did on him in August 200!
… on Love
1) “Always suit up before you make love. I am a firm believer in the condominium. We live in dangerous times, and I ain’t ashamed to tell a woman, ‘Look here, darlin’ — you’re pretty and all, but I don’t know where you been or what you been into, so give me a minute to suit up. If I don’t, I might get a touch of the AIDS or something, know what I mean?”
2) “Be good to the womerns. I like to think I’ve learned what they likes — womerns likes mens who shoot guns and sing country-Western music. Gene Autry, he shot guns and sang country-Western, and womerns liked him. Roy Rogers, he shot a gun and sang country-Western music, and womerns liked him. I shoot a gun, and I sing country-Western music, and womern’s likes me. I don’t see no argument there.”
… on Life
1) “Another thing I’ve learned — party liquor is a damn good antiseptic. You might have noticed from my photographs that I’ve got a slight dental affliction. My gums bleed and gets infected from time to time. When I start bleeding from the mouth, I just do eight or 10 shots of party liquor, and it not only helps kill the pain, it ensures my chart-topping mouth is free from disease. In particular, my party liquor of choice is the vodka in the half-gallon size. It’s clear. I don’t ever drink no party liquor I can’t see through. That’s dangerous.”
2) “One of the things I’ve learned the hard way, is that I’ve learned a lot about ice machines. I never stay in a hotel or a motel that ain’t got no nearby, working ice machine. Hell, when I got a woman in my room after one of my shows, and we’re having a drink, I’ll be damned if I’m gonna disrupt our romance by going out and looking for a damn ice machine. If I find one and it ain’t working, I check out of the hotel right then and there. I ain’t a dealing with that mess. A working ice machine is one of the most important fixtures a hotel or motel has to offer, in my opinion.”
… and on the Music Business
1) “Practice your guitar, or your drums, or your pianer or whatever you play, at least a half-hour a day. Don’t give up because, hell, you never know — success might be just around the corner.”
2) “Try to avoid a prison sentence if humanly possible — your record sales will drop off if you go into the joint like I did for 30 years.”
3) “Just write what’s in your heart. Write about what you know, because you can’t write about something you don’t know and something you ain’t experienced. If you try to, people see through it.”
4) “I tell young musicians and performers, never leave your wallet or your billfold in the dressing room. While you’re out there performing, somebody might sneak in there and steal your billfold, which contains your cash American monies and your condominiums.”
5) “Another thing I would tell the young up-and-coming aspiring artists — people will think you is a vampire if you have two pointed, sharp teeth like me and a thick, bountiful head of jet-black hair with a pronounced widder’s peak like I do and thick black sideburns and bushy black eyebrows like me and always dress in black tuxeders like me. But hell, if it makes them happy to believe I’m a vampire, that’s fine. It’s like believin’ in Santy Claus — if they want to believe it, that’s fine.”
6) “I advise the youngerns that wants to get into this racket — never, ever sign anything, except an autograph for one of your fans. I’ve signed record contracts, movie contracts, television contracts, publishing contracts and management contracts, and they’ve all earned me five damned dimensions of hell in my chart-topping life. Womern fans, though, are always wanting me to sign their breasts, which I’m happy to do. They’re happy to have my name emblazoned across their chests, and even though it makes the husbands and boyfriends jealous, it’s kindly becoming a national phenomenon. Some of ‘em even get it tattooed on there.”
7) “One more thing to the young folks wanting to get into this business — never get paid with a check for one of your concert performances. Have you ever tried to cash a check made out to Unknown? It’s impossible. Think about it.”